UK Mountains Expedition Report

We set off about nine o'clock and made our way to the start of the Pennine Way on a blisteringly hot day, walking two miles along the road to Edale village with full pack, the sun beating down on us was absolute murder.

On arrival at the car park we contemplated a visit to the Mountain Resue Post to find out the weather on the summmit of Kinder Scout, but due to the vast distance off route (about 10 yards) we decided against it. The Nags Head is the official start and we passed it neck and neck. Hopefully we will finish it neck and neck. Finishing at all will be an achievement. Having decided on the main route, I followed Steves directions, fool that I am. Our first climb, Grindsbrook Clough, was about the worst climb we will ever have. (This is no longer the main route, it now goes via Jacobs Ladder, but Grindsbrook is well worth the effort)

Once we arrived at the top and recovered, we set off towards Kinder Downfall, the best way we could, clambering in and out of peat groughs and by some means arrived at the downfall. After a brief rest, we set off for Mill Hill. The walk from Mill Hill to the Snake road must rate amongst the most boring mile or two I have ever walked. We arrived at the layby hot and tired and collapsed by the roadside to have lunch.

I opened my rucsac and found to my horror that the brand new thermos flask had failed me and soaked my jeans and hankies. Cursing loudly I began to repair the damage done.

It took me about ten minutes to rearrange the contents. Steve made our lunch unfortunately, which turned out to be a complete mess, although being in the state I was, anything would have tasted nice.

We set off after about one hours rest and headed towards Bleaklow. The climb was reasonably easy and the route straightforward. We spent about ten minutes resting and then set off for Longendale, the way down was unmarked and difficult to follow. We headed for the river and followed that as far as we could but the path leaves the stream to climb up over Clough Edge. After Steve had had his first tragedy of the day by falling into the stream, he had his second tragedy by falling in again.

We climbed Clough Edge without too much difficulty and headed down the other side to the railway crossing. From here we crossed Torside reservoir and climbed the forty or so steps to the road.

Being totally exhausted and in need of a drink, we went to the nearest house to beg for water. We were informed that, across the road was a tap which expelled very cool clear water. Thanking the lady, we hobbled across the road and drank to our hearts content.

After this, the mile or so to the Youth Hostel was traversed with no great difficulty. We collapsed on the ground outside the Hostel where we were met by a friendly knock on the window (if there is such a thing as a friendly knock). Waving back our worry as to what happened to the girls we met at Edale was over, they had arrived safely.

We booked in and found our dormitory, made our beds, had a wash and made dinner, all without a hitch. After dinner we convinced two young lads what a good idea it woould be for them to lend us their bikes so we could go to the pub to purchase some liquor. Our efforts were not in vain, they were foolish enough to allow us. The ride down was completed in about ten minutes without any difficulty as it was mainly downhill and flat. The pub itself was a nice place. Any place that sells beer is a nice place in my estimation, so we stopped for about an hour, playing pool and drinking.

We bought a few drinks to take back and made our way up which was quite easy apart from the first hill which was terrible. Arriving back, we called the girls (only two) out and we finished off the drinks. Afterwards we decided to go inside as the flies were taking chunks out of our skin.

In the common room we conversed with the girls who are: Tracy (Noddy), Caroline (Bionic Woman), Mary Anne (Mucky) and Sarah Jane (Slaggy). The names in brackets are the nicknames we half-invented. Noddy because of the hat, no bell though, Bionic Woman because she leapt across bogs whereas all the others walked around. Mucky being similar to Muggy, her nickname by her friends and Slaggy for obvious reasons.

Lights out time came and the wardeness kicked is out, unfortunately I had forgotten my beer mats and had to explain how they came to be there. (it was a very different Youth Hostel world back then)

Considering that four of the girls got themselves lost, they pleaded with us to allow them to accompany us to Marsden and being kind hearted souls we allowed them along.

The climb to Laddow rocks was a serious climb which creased all of us, and after having three or four stops along the way, we gave up for a while by the brook where Steve was very silly because he splashed me, I had my revenge by splashing him.

The bag of food which consisted of bread and small packets of Apricot jam and marmalade split and some of the jam fell out, the bread was all broken and the butter packets broke, consequently, lunch consisted of bread, butter, apricot jam and marmalade all mixed together.

On the summit of Black Hill we rested for a while. Slaggy in all her infinite intelligence came to blows with a camera which she found impossible to operate. Helped out by the Bionic Woman she finally conquered it and the picture was taken.

The walk to the A635 was very dull and boring except for the many bogs over which the Bionic Woman leapt with very little energy used up, her clean white socks would have been a challenge for any biological washing powder advert. We stopped by the road for lunch which was a disaster. After lunch we made our way to Featherbed Moss and White Moss which were a repeat of Black Hill and Kinder Scout i.e. peat bogs for about two miles.

Once at Black Moss reservoir we once again collapsed and tried to cheer each other up by recollecting and relating amusing sequences from various films such as the Pink Panther etc.

After our brief rest, we headed eagerly to Peters Transport Cafe but we were shocked and dismayed to find it had burned down five years ago! Weary and tired, we decided to go to the Youth Hostel but on the way saw the Londoners sitting outside a pub which of course was closed when we arrived. Pressing on, we saw another pub slightly off route so we sent Steve down to see if it was open. Finding it was, we raced down and went in, the barman immediately recognised our Birmingham accents, but being the multi-lingual genius's that we are, immediately switched to broad Yorkshire to confuse him.

After an hour or so we left and made our way to the Hostel, stopping off at a playground to test out the swings and slides. Being told to leave by two very young and rather foul mouthed girls, we left and walked down the hill with Mucky, who was complaining about blisters, in our arms. Unfortunately we went either side of a lamp-post!

After she decided walking might be safer, we arrived at the Youth Hostel and met some French people, one of whom was an ELP (Emerson, Lake and Palmer, a progressive Rock band from the 70s) freak and a German girl who wasn't an ELP freak. We found that the French guys were in our dormitory and so amused ourselves by trying to converse with them.

After dinner, we convinced Noddy and Almuth, a German girl we had met at the Hostel, that it was a good idea to go to the pub. After an hour or so, we were joined by Big Al, Blisters, Kenny Everett lookalike, the Londoners, the Canadian Steph and anyone else I can't think of.

After a few bevvies, we did a conga up the street, then Big Al stood on his head in the middle of the road, drunken mad fool.

The warden told us to be quiet so we went in tip-toes and tip-toed out again to purchase some chips. We staggered back up again and having finished our chips, went to bed.

This morning heralded the decision of all except Noddy to catch the bus to Mankinholes, so saying our goodbyes we set off on the two mile climb to rejoin the Pennine Way where we had left off yesterday. Three extremely tired people arrived at the ruins of Petes Cafe wondering if it was all worthwhile. Deciding it was, we climbed Millstone Edge without further ado. Once on the summit we discovered to my pleasure and to Steve's horror that his flask had broken and coffee was all over his clothes.

After a short break we left, leaving Steves flask on the trig point. (inexcusable behaviour leaving rubbish in the countryside) The walk to the A640 was boring and uninteresting. We proceeded to climb Rapes Hill and then to White Hill. Once on White Hill we collapsed for a while and admired the scenery. Behind us was the Wireless-Telegraph Station on Windy Hill.

Refreshed and rested we began the descent to the station where I took a photograph of the masts. We then diced with death by crossing the A672. Noddy almost got us killed by running over, us being fools followed her only to see a ten ton truck hurtling down the road towards us. Fortunately it missed but our escape was a narrow one.

Our next place of interest was the trans-Pennine Motorway which was crossed by means of a narrow footbridge,

The climb to Blackstone Edge was rather dull but rewarding as there was a magnificent view across the countryside in all directions. The descent to semi-civilisation was achieved with the help of a Roman Road and the Broadhead Drain waterworks road. The White House pub provided certain relief in that we had a couple of pints and Chicken and Chips. Unfortunately Big Al and the Londoners were there so the company left something to be desired.

After we had finished we decided to go out and sit on the grass by the dam since the owners of the pub wouldn't allow Noddy to eat her sandwiches in there, even though she had bought a drink. Our dinner hour lasted about an hour and a half in all.

After dinner, we had a three mile walk alongside the reservoir before we decided to have another break, this one only lasted about fifteen minutes before we set off again. Stoodley Pike came into view and was to remain so for the rest of the day. Coldwell Hill, although not very steep, proved to be rather tiring due to the fact that we had had a long day and the sun was shining.

The final yards of the Pennine way route was completed quickly and the long descent off route down hill proved exhausting for all of us. Once at the bottom we walked the final two or three hundred yards to the Hostel and on entry were met by a cheer by our Cockney Mates, Slaggy, Mucky and our very own Bionic Woman. We had about fifteen minutes before opening time which was spent relating our respective tales of adventure and eating ice cream.

After we had signed in and found our dormitory, we had an excellent meal of Chicken Stew and Pears (separately) cooked by my own fair hands. After tea, we spent an hour or so writing our various postcards (an ancient form of communication that could take days from sending to receiving) and diaries before strolling across the field to the pub. About two hours were spent in the pub, enjoying ourselves and becoming slightly drunk. At about ten, we decided to go, and made our way back across the field being totally silly by carrying Noddy for most of the way.

Once we were back in the hostel all the girls went to bed while the lads sat in the common room with bricks on our heads! At ten thirty we all went to bed but the fun hadn't finished, we passed one of the bricks around the dormitory until the wardeness came in and had a polite word with us, asking if we could restrict the chat slightly. Agreeing with her request we quietened down until it became necessary for us to use the throne where every time we reached halfway down the stairs, we sang the famous Muppet sing. This continued for most of the night...

The morning saw the decision of all except Caroline (Boinic Woman) to join us on our walk to Haworth (Mad Fools).

Breakfast consisted of egg and beans made by Steve which wasn't too bad considering. The wardeness was in a reasonably good mood, except she was a perfectionist when it came to duty time, ours being he cleaning of the common room.

The day started with an excessively hard climb back to the Pennine Way and not content with that, a further climb to Stoodley Pike. On here the rain, which had held off up until now began to show itself although it only lasted a few minutes, it was enough to persuade us to put on warmer clothes.

A nice walk down to Callis wood across fields was very pleasant as was the track through the woods. The exit of the woods was near a sewage works which did not smell! The Calder valley, or what we saw of it was very pleasant, although the climb out up to Pry Hill was as bad, if not worse that the climb from Mankinholes to the Pike. Halfway up we decided on a rest where Noddy decided her legs were cold and very bravely changed her shorts for trousers. Having never experienced such a thing before, one can imagine our shock!

After recovering, we topped the hill and then down the other side to Calden where we paused for a while by the brook for a drink. A further climb from the bridge up to Heptonstall Moor proved rewardless. I personally dislike walking across moors. Our reward for that was waiting for us in the form of the Pack Horse Inn, one mile distant. Before our arrival, however, we met up with our Cockney friends plus others who informed us the pub was half a mile off the route. Convinced they were mad, we informed them of our thoughts and proceeded up the final hill before lunch and walked less than two hundred yards off route to the pub. Lunch consisted of two pints of lager, three jam sarnies, one beef sarnie and about three bags of crisps. Refreshed and revitalised we set off down the road, along the mile or so of the reservoir road and across the dam before once again collapsing.

Steve decided he would try the water from the reservoir but deciding it wasn't up to his usual high standard, he threw it over me!

The walk up to Withins was quick and quite pleasant and resting once again for a coffee and photographs, we were informed that Haworth was only two miles distant. Spurred on by this (we were convinced it was four) we walked down the road where we left the Way for today and proceeded along to Stanbury where we stopped to have a silly session in the playground.

A post office cheered us up with the thought that we could get some money. Unfortunately it was closed so we decided to press on. The walk into Haworth town absolutely creased us but it wasn't over there. Steve and I decided to find a chippy while the girls went to the Hostel. Unfortunately every cafe, eating house or broth shop was closed and we ended up meeting with them.

The Youth Hostel was now a mere three-quarters of a mile distant, but upwards. The Youth Hostel itself was a large house and the end of a quarter mile drive. On arrival at the desk, the warden told us not to sit in the common room with bricks on our heads. Leaping back in amazement we asked him how he knew. Unfortunately he wouldn't reveal it to us.

Our dormitory was upstairs. We had a shower and made our tea - beefburger sarnies - and then tried to sort out Noddys trip for her because Tracy II had arranged her trip such that she would have to walk from Earby to Stainforth, a fifty six mile hike! We almost finished and the warden told us to go to bed. This mess will be sorted out in the morning...

Seven thirty...Bagpipes! That was what woke us up! Scotland the Brave that early on a Saturday morning, is nothing sacred?

Breakfast for us consisted of rice krispies and milk. Our duty was to clean the enormous staircase from top to bottom. The warden, however, was very pleasant apart from his obsession with Scottish music. He ran a taxi service from the hostel to the Pennine way which of course, we took full advantage.

Once we were on our way, we climbed Dean Clough to another road. Today's party consisting of me, Steve, Bionic Woman, Tracy, Mucky, Slaggy and our Cockney friend whose name I don't know yet.

We continued to climb until we arrived at Ickornshaw moor, upon which, according to the guide we should be able to see Pen-y-Ghent. Unfortunately the mist reduced our view to about 50 metres and so we even missed the summit of the moor. The hike across the moor was extremely boring, lasting two miles plus extra as a detour was necessary due to the grouse shooting boxes. Our first official stop was at Lumb Head Beck where Kenny Everett and two compadres caught us up.

By now, my foot which had been sore all morning was really painful. Strangely and fortunately, the pain was worse when I stopped than when I was on the move. Lower Summer House offered refreshment but we passed it by. Kenny and friends decided to stop.

When we arrived at Ickornshaw village we wound our way through to head out on the other side. Unfortunately it began to rain and all but myself donned waterproofs. I preferred to stay in my shirt because I would perspire more in my jacket and be wetter than the rain would cause. One up on me, the rain soon stopped and left them walking in their waterproofs. At this point we thought we had gone astray but the Bionic Woman pointed out a signppost which all but she couldn't see - her bionics at work again!

We then climbed Cowling Hill and made the tiresome walk to Lothersdale by climbing a second hill and along a farm road. The pub in sight, the descent was terrible, sun blazing down on us, dying for a pint. Staggering along, we collapsed in the pub and stayed there for an hour, playing darts, drinking, playing the piano, drinking, eating lunch and drinking. After lunch we headed off uphill alongside a wood, where a naughty sign pointed the way.

The climb to Pinhaw Beacon was terrible, for Steve and I anyway. Half an hours rest and then the final two miles to descend to the hostel. Singing as many songs as we could think of, the journey went quickly - we must sing more often! We found the Youth Hostel and arrived about five minutes before opening time. We were pleased we had booked in advance - many of the non-booked in hostellers were turned away, but some have joined the girls in their dormitory to our horror and amazement.

Being the lazy lads, we are, evening meal for us was from the chippy in the town and a pint in the local on the way. Nearing the hostel, Cockney kid ripped Slaggys shoe so being helpful lads we are, carried her for part of the way. We then played commandos and stormed the hostel. This was the final excitement for the night except telling each other corny jokes in the dormitory,

Once again, Slaggy, Mucky and Bionic Woman weren't accompanying us. Tracy II had so arranged it that they had to go to Stainforth but Noddy decided to come with us in the hope of being allowed in at Malham.

Breakfast once again was rice krispies and tea. The duty (in the old days, one of the conditions of staying at a Youth Hostel was 'the duty' which normally consisted of a cleaning chore to help with the upkeep of the Hostel, no one ever minded.) was cleaning the stairs and was accomplished in about ten minutes.

We left the hostel around 9:30 but didn't set off until almost 10 o'clock because Noddy wanted to say goodbye to her friends. Unknowing to us, Slaggy was stuck in the loo but managed to free herself as Steve and I were getting a little tired of waiting.

Our companions were once again altered. Noddy, Kenny Everett, Union Jack kid and three others were our companions part of the way, but cheated slightly near the top of the climb back to the route. We, being honest lads (and Tracy) carried on to rejoin the official route where we left off.

A little digression now: Tracy I as of now is 'one of the lads' for diary purposes only. Union Jack Kid up until now, from Mankinholes has carried a small rock on his head.

The walk to Thornton in Craven was quite pleasant being a gentle incline downwards for most of the way. The village itself is not visited by the Pennine Way but a main road along the village must do it no good at all. Out of Thornton was a walk along a wooded road, very pleasant with a slight climb to the Leeds and Liverpool canal which was followed for a while (Note: the sign on bridge 160 pointed the wrong way). A walk along a lane bought us up with five lads we had seen previously who were scrambling up a dirty weedy incline to a field. We being slightly less mad, pressed on further along the road and lo and behold the Pennine Way proceeded across a field and into pastureland. This continued for a mile or two until Gargrave provided some light relief. Here we stopped outside the pub for lunch.

Steve and I had a bottle of lemonade each! Our dinner break lasted an hour and then we proceeded through the village to the sweet shop where Steve realised he had left the copy of Wainwright belonging to the Union Jack Kid on the wall by the pub so we (Tracy and I) waited while he returned for it. Fortunately it was still there.

The walk out of Gargrave was nice, being along a very wooded road - I like woods - until we broke away from it and climbed Harrows Hill which was very steep. On the way up Tracy found a cap. She correctly guessed it belonged to an army cadet who we had seen earlier. We finally caught up with him just over the top and he thanked us.

Our walk down to the river Aire was easy and the walk along to Airton also easy and very pleasant by the stream. On arrival at Airton we saw Kenny, UJ Kid and two others just leaving. We collapsed for a rest. After our brief rest we moved off for Malham singing sings as we went. The two miles to Malham was accomplished with ease and the walk through the village (singing at the tops of our voices) attracted a few glances.

We arrived at the hostel about fifteen minutes early and sat in the road along with about twenty others, much to the annoyance of the car owners. About five minutes before opening time, me Steve and Tracy raced to the front so Tracy had a better chance of getting in (kind hearted souls). The warden at this hostel is a bit nasty and we decided that no fun would be had tonight.

After the usual wash, bed making etc Steve and I went to the Buck Inn for a meal, the only place in the village that would accept Travellers Cheques (Reminder: DO not purchase Travellers Cheques again). We had a hearty meal, Steve having steak and I had roast beef.

Earlier we had decided to visit Gordale Scar tonight but Steve complained of sore feet so only Tracy and I went. The scar was as nice as I had remembered from my last visit. On the top we rested from our long climb. Earlier, Steve and I had had a little bet on whether I could 'get off' with Tracy. He bet me a pound I couldn't (quite a tidy sum in 1977). While we sat there, I explained the bet and how much fun it would be to wind him up and pretend I had succeeded. I did go to extreme lengths to explain that wasn't the reason for the walk! We came down via a different route which got us slightly lost. Eventually we found the road and headed for the pub. We met Steve in the pub with Kenny where Steve, seeing Tracy and I obviously very much more affectionate than previously, reluctantly handed over the money from the bet which Tracy and I split.

After the pub, Steve complained of aching feet and said he would give up. I tried to convince him otherwise but he is stubborn so it will take time....